If you are comfortable with answering questions could you please private msg me (I am working on a part in my comic and I want to make sure I do it correctly)
I was thinking it would be nice to compile a list of fictional asexual-spectrum or likely ace-spectrum characters who are female or non-binary. I am going to stress here that I am not trying to erase or leave out male aces, demis and graces, and that later I will make a more complete list of…
It links some instances of behavior with demisexuality.
So just to repeat:
BEHAVIOR IS NOT ATTRACTION. ATTRACTION IS NOT BEHAVIOR. DEMISEXUALITY IS NOT ABOUT BEHAVIOR. DEMISEXUALITY IS ABOUT ATTRACTION.
Just for some emphasis. Please, if you’re thinking about defining demisexuality as behavior…
anonymous asked: could you explain greysexuality?
I wanted to share a resource with you guys that has been invaluable for me with figuring out my sexuality, since I haven’t seen anything about it recently in the tags.
Demi Grace is a forum for people who identify as demisexual, grey-a, demiromantic, grey-aromantic, or elsewhere in the grey areas, and allies. My understanding is that there have been some problems in the past for people who identify as demi or grey-a on AVEN, so this forum was started to make a safe place for us. I don’t know whether that’s still a problem, but I can tell you that I’ve found Demi Grace to be a great place to talk over some of the stuff going on in my life, and there have been some very interesting discussions there. Unfortunately, it’s not a very active forum, so I would love to see more people join.
I won’t give the long looooong story about the years I spent believing I was straight, just “damaged” or sterilized or stupid.
Instead, let’s look at what happened when I discovered demisexuality AND grey-asexuality. I confided in my beloved that I found something that made such perfect sense, why I never lusted for him until we were close for many, many months, and yet still without notice the feelings and the very experience of understanding feeling sexual would still slip and ebb, returning me to my primordially asexual state.
I told him all of this, and he smiled and said “That makes sense! I always thought you might be a little different.”
I identify as both demi and grey-A because of the aforementioned patterns in my attraction. When I’m feeling very demi… he loves how intensely I am attracted to him.
Now he is so sensitive to my boundaries, and he knows when I’m feeling “grey” not to confound me with advances. I have never made more sense to myself, or my lovers, and the confidence in myself I’ve had since discovering what I really am has been unshakable.
When I see drama on the tags, all I have to do is remember how utterly things suddenly CLICKED when I discovered my sexuality was a thing, and that other people experienced it too. I hope you all remember that as well, no matter what stupid shit people have to say about you.
I couldn’t think of anything unique or interesting to post this weekend, sorry. This blog has a lot of followers, though, so I thought I could try posting a discussion question. I know discussions on tumblr don’t work as well as on other sites, but reblogging works ok.
So, onto the question! Do you identify as queer based on your gray-a/demi identity? What about GSM (“gender and/or sexual minority” in this case sexual minority)?
I personally identify as queer for other reasons and being gray-a is part of my GSM identity, but not my queer one.
I want to do a post of some sort this weekend, but I don’t really know what you all are interested in seeing. If you want to send in some topics, questions, or your own thoughts on gray-a/demi issues, please do!
AVEN has been using the inverted white-to-black gradient triangle for more than a decade, and when it was first introduced it was flatter rather than equilateral. An explanation of its parts is on AVENwiki. What the triangle depicts is an extension of the Kinsey scale in a dimension for intensity. This symbol developed independently of the pink triangle and every other triangle symbol that is used by other communities. The only manner in which the AVEN triangle has changed over the past decade is that it has become equilateral.
So no, we will not stop using an inverted triangle.
Additionally, this blog does not work to invalidate any person’s decision to identify as queer based on their asexuality or demisexuality.
Because apparently this needs said. Yet again.
(possible tmi and trigger warnings, but nothing explicit.)
Things demisexuality is not:
- Needing to be in love before you’ll sleep with someone
- Needing to be in love before sex feels good
- Not being willing to sleep with someone for any reason unless you’re in love with them
- Only having sex under specific circumstances
- Anything else related to behavior in any way.
Not saying these aren’t common for demis. Not saying they’re not common for a lot of other whateversexual people either. Just saying that these are not what demisexuality is. If a demi won’t sleep with someone unless they’re in love, then they’re a demisexual whose behavior and choice is such they won’t sleep with someone unless they’re in love. Me, I identify as demi. I currently don’t have a relationship or friendship that is deep enough to experience sexual attraction. I have in the past, but right now, I’m all but asexual. I’m not sure how that qualifies as “normal sexuality” (which is an incredibly slut-shaming phrase in it’s own way, hello). But to get back on point, no current sexual attraction. Current sexual behavior. It feels nice. There are no strings. Simple as that.
Things demisexuality is:
- Not experiencing primary sexual attraction
- Having the possibility of experiencing secondary sexual attraction
- Falling under the asexual identity umbrella/spectrum/what have you due to a shared lack of sexual attraction, yet being different than asexuality by that one factor.
Not all demisexuals identify with the asexual community. That’s fine. Especially if they’re in a relationship in which secondary sexual attraction has developed. I know I stepped back from the asexual community last time I was in such a relationship, though remained a very strong supporter and ally. But right now, I fit that community completely. I feel welcome, I feel like I belong. I don’t feel any different just because I’ve had a different experience in the past. In the here and now, asexual is a more fitting description. It’s not fully my orientation, but it’s more fitting of where I am right now. This may be different for other demis, but this is how I feel. And feeling like I belong with the asexual community, I don’t see how that’s as wildly common as people who keep putting demisexuality down seem to believe.
Just my thoughts, and a general explanation of what demisexuality is and isn’t. My thoughts apply to me alone, not to the community or orientation as a whole. The general guidlines however do in general define the orientation.