A Gray-Asexual Space

I was raised Southern Baptist and consider myself non-denominational, and though I just started identifying as gray-a last year, I never really felt comfortable expressing myself in my church. They're not very LGBTQ-friendly, naturally, so I always felt a bit uncomfortable whenever anyone started talking about how I needed a girlfriend or whatever. I never got around to telling anyone that I'm not "straight," but I could imagine that not going over very well. That's just me and my situation.

Sun, 05 May 2013 07:40:42 -0400

I just wanted to say that finding this blog a couple of days ago was incredibly helpful since it helped me not only understand what asexuality, gray-sexuality and demisexuality are, but also understand myself more. Thanks and keep up the good work! :D

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 08:28:58 -0400

Thank you!

In response to the anon with religion: In my experience, it depends greatly on the religion. Judeo-Christian religions are just as antagonistic toward a's and gray-a's as queer identifiers because they demand that you 'go forth and multiply' and offer the basis of a legitimate marriage as being one that is consummated. Obviously a's and gray-a's (such as myself) take issue with that. I was raised christian. I am not anymore.

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 23:35:25 -0400

I’m gonna say, as someone raised Jewish (Reform), that my experience in a Judeo-Christian environment has not been antagonistic in any way. (Despite no longer believing, I work in a Sunday school and am closely related to a Rabbi). Me being queer has never been a problem. While there is pressure to have kids, it doesn’t feel like a push from the religion side of things. I want them anyway, but my parents want me to have kids because they know I want them and because they want grandchildren. Adopting is also be totally fine.

Other branches of Judaism are not the same, but I thought I would share my experience too.

Obviously, it really depends on what you grew up around or with. Even within the same basic religion, different branches have different ideas. In fact, different communities of people within the same branch can vary hugely. So it doesn’t just depend on the religion, but the experience the person has with it.

Let me rephrase. Clearly, the LGBT community has had to look outside of traditional religion to develop their spiritual lives, because in every religion anything but monogamous sexual relations within a marriage between a man and a woman is considered a sin. Do asexuals suffer from feeling outcast by religions or do they feel ostracized more so from secular society?

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 20:53:00 -0400

First off, I am pretty sure that not EVERY RELIGION views everything but monogamous, heterosexual sexual relations as a sin.

Secondly, I doubt you can generalize what asexuals feel in regards to religion and secular society. People have a huge variety of experiences and to assume that everyone who shares a sexuality shares the same feelings about religion is ignorant.

Definitely in the gray-asexuality spectrum. I have always identified more with my emotional, intellectual and spiritual sides than my physical/sexual side (my body). Emotionally (romantically) always drawn to women. Physically turned on by men (though I don't want sex with them). Intellectually &spiritually drawn to both. My spiritual life is as confusing as my sexuality. Basically a Hindu who loves Jesus and Qabalah. Wondering if asexuals have traditional spiritual lives or are non-traditional.

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 21:55:52 -0400

I mean, I’d guess that asexual people run the gamut on spirituality and religion as much as any other group.

allofmystupids: pinkspidernanoda: unseendaydream: I made a...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 09:18:05 -0500

allofmystupids:

pinkspidernanoda:

unseendaydream:

I made a thing

thank god someone made this! :D great xD

Reblogging for my asexual bestie!

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 23:19:13 -0500

Lately it seems like most of the activity on this blog is people asking me to tell them how they should identify. I am not entirely comfortable with that and am going to stop answer those kinds of questions for awhile.

Would it be helpful if I posted a list of terms, definitions, and such? There may have been one posted before, but I could make a page with a permanent link if people are interested.

Hi :)I am a girl and I have a question on identifying. I have never had sex, ever. I never felt like I want to, but I've felt attraction to people, like I want to hug and cuddle and maybe kiss (but not so much, Idk) If I see a 'triggering' picture of some sort, I don't feel anything. I do get turned on sometimes if I see sexy boy or girl. I usually just get very nervous if I crush on some1, always been boys. I just don't think I want to have sex. How could I identify? If you can answer. meThnks

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 23:12:20 -0500

I really don’t know. I do think that you can be sexually attracted to people without wanting sex, but I can’t really tell you what you are feeling and I’m not really sure from your message if you experience sexual attraction. It sort of sounds like you do, but… Maybe it would be best of you looked up some definitions and went with what feels right for you.

Basically, I can’t tell you how to identify in terms of sexuality. But in general I really don’t feel comfortable giving answers to people asking me to tell them how to identify, though I have been doing so.

So.... I thought I was gay but is it possible I'm gray-asexual? I don't have any desire or wish to be in a relationship with a girl.... with a guy, I like to cuddle and I can find one cute or good looking but I have absolutely no desire for sex.... I have had sex before but I didn't have the desire to, I did it for him, and just the idea of it does not come to mind, I am willing to have sex, but I could care less about it, and I feel that it is odd, because I don't have the desire most people

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 17:51:15 -0500

*continued* the desire most people have, am I gray-asexual or is there a different term for when the romantic feelings are only for guys?

Hi anon! You sound like you are asexual, rather than gray-a. People who are asexual can still have any sort of romantic attraction (and can be aromantic, just as sexual people can be aromantic), and to me it sounds like you are under the romantic asexual umbrella. I am guessing that if you self-identified as gay before that you would be homoromantic?

And this is my usual disclaimer that I can’t really decide for you how you should identify. While I would class your feelings as homoromantic asexual, you have to go with what feels right for you.

I'm the anon who was raped. First, thanks for the rapid response! I'm currently in counseling, although that was originally for my bipolar 2(among other things, my life is a laundry list of trauma :)) I just wanted to clarify whether i'd be suited best to gray or a-sexuality. If i'm completely wrong could you tell me where to go? Thanks again.

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 22:40:42 -0500

I’m sorry for this taking so long (especially because I managed to respond quickly for once with your prior question). If you have no sexual attraction at all, I’d say you’re asexual.

To that Anon who was raped--I just wanted to say that yes, you should seek counseling if you feel like those experiences are stopping you from doing certain things YOU would like to do, or if they're interfering with your happiness to this day. Abuse is not something you fully get over, but you can recover from it. :) However, don't feel pressured to feel some sort of sexual attraction; if you dont its OK. Some people are just different, and you can still be happy/fulfilled in other ways! :)

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 00:16:25 -0500

I was raped twice, at 7 and 9. I don't ever recall having any sexual attraction to anyone, although I MIGHT have, because I don't really have any memories of age 9 downwards and 10-16 is pretty hazy(I'm 18 btw). What should I do?

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 23:58:50 -0500

I would say you should talk to someone more qualified than I am. You can major trauma in your life at a very young age and I cannot possibly know how that impacted you. The best advice I can give is to identify in a way that is comfortable.

Does gray sexuality have it's own flag/colours or is it the same as the one from asexuals?

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 10:25:09 -0500

As far as I know, it doesn’t have its own anything.

So I frequently find myself sexually attracted to various people, including my long-term boyfriend. However I do not enjoy sex. Sex isn't amazing to me like everybody says. I find it rather boring and pointless. I don't get overly turned on although I do often want to have sex but afterwards I usually wonder why I bothered because it's so mediocre and even the orgasm isn't really enjoyable. Could I possibly be gray-sexual?

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:34:15 -0500

If you are frequently sexually attracted to people, I don’t think I would call you gray-a because gray-a has to do with limited sexual attraction and is not related to enjoyment of sex. Some people just don’t like sex, or just aren’t having sex that is good for them. But sexual behavior and enjoyment is not the same as sexual attraction.

I'm not sure what this is but here it goes, I don't enjoy sex very much, I just enjoy pleasuring my partner. When they are feeling good it makes me feel good but I'd rather masterbate by myself than have sex. It feels like a chore to me & it really hurts. I don't like my nipples touched I feel nothing, I don't like intercourse with anything & I cannot have tampons in me because it hurts too bad & it's weird. The only thing I am okay with is having my clit touched & it's still embarrassing.

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 21:25:04 -0500

There is a difference between enjoying sex/sex acts and experiencing limited sexual attraction. And not everyone who generally likes sex necessarily likes penetrative sex.

I am not really sure if you are asking a question or just sharing so that you can get what you need to say off your chest. However, if you are looking for some sort of guidance I’d say that you should be clear about what you like and don’t like, what your boundaries are, and and generally how you feel about having sex with any and every partner. If you are only ok with clitoral stimulation, let your partner know. See if you can find a way for them to feel good that doesn’t cause you physical pain. Hopefully your partner doesn’t want to have sex that gives you undesirable pain.

I just recently discovered this and I am soooo happy! I didn't know other people like me were out there! This really isn't a question but I just really wanted to tell someone hope you don't mind :3

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 09:47:59 -0500

I’m glad it makes you happy!

For the anon who is wondering if Asexuals experience kissing and cuddling: I love to cuddle and kiss with my partner :) I think it varies from person to person

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 10:17:33 -0500

I was reading some of the other questions and you talked about how you had identified as a lot of different things throughout your life, if so what is the point of identifying at all?

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 09:40:53 -0500

I like having words to describe things more concisely, and I also don’t think anyone’s label has to stay the same for their entire lives. I don’t identify as things for other people, but for myself. As I learn and understand more about myself, I use different words to describe who I am. It isn’t as if I had arbitrarily changed how I identified, but that I realized something and wanted to be able, if it came up, to have a more accurate term to use for myself.

Im still kinda trying to figure it all out, but I think I might identify as Gray-A, or maybe even possibly Asexual (biromantic). I'm having some confused feelings though, a lot of self doubt. Is it normal for Asexuals/Gray Asexuals to enjoy kissing/closed mouth "making out", and cuddling, even though they dont desire sex?

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 09:30:21 -0500

I think so.

I am a completely common heterosexual girl despite the fact that I can't stand the idea of having sex or being touched or sharing my own body with somebody else. I'm not really fond of proximity and I don't really feel aroused toward people; flesh purely as flesh doesn't attract me in any way. I just fall for someone and want to be with them, but the idea of intimacy just terrifies me completely.

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 18:06:54 -0500