22nd July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Can you be a grey ace and masturbate?

Absolutely. 

-Not a Can of Soup

(Seriously, y’all need to visit AVEN’s forums. Might help you guys find people you relate to.)

21st July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

I was recently talking to a friend about my identifying as grace & he just looked at me and was like "no I really don't think you are" I didn't know what to say, I was so shocked. How do I address this with him without coming across as harsh? He's very dear to me but I cannot let this go not talked about...

Just like that. Be honest. Tell him, “I was really surprised and a little hurt that you’d say that. You’re someone I hold very dear, so this is important to me. My identity is not a matter of opinion and no one but me can define it. It feels like you’re dismissing my experience/feelings, and if you can’t accept me this way it will impact our friendship.”

Or something along those lines, tailored to your experience and the relationship between the two of you. If you are close friends, you should be able to be honest about how this affects you. You deserve to have your identity respected.

-Not a Can of Soup

18th July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

I've had to explain to a lot of people what being aesthetically attracted to people mean and I've found the best way to say it is: "I see the world as a museum and each person is a piece of art. I just want to stop and admire."

That’s very nice! I usually mentally refer to it as my “If I could paint, I’d paint you,” feeling.

-Not a Can of Soup

(How do the rest of you describe this? Do you guys have ways to describe your types of attraction that are more likely to get people to support you?”

15th July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

my girlfriend identifies as grey ace but rarely explains what it is and i am quite sexual and dont want to make her uncomfortable, sssooo what is a basic explanation

"A gray-A is someone who finds asexuality* to be a useful idea, in the sense that it approaches a self-description, even if it does not quite fit.” 

I know we’re super good at guessing at people’s situations but we’re not psychic here at gray-asexuality.tumblr.com so you will probably have to ask your girlfriend if there is anything you need to know about her type of gray a (/ what it means to her) in order to not make her uncomfortable. Which you are clearly trying to do by coming here!! <3 <3 And if she’s like “nahh ” then you can be like “ok I’ll still be sure not to pressure you sexually and check in often about consent just like I would with any other partner” and she’ll be like “/swoons/” 

Like, friends, this is something you should do with your partner no matter what your sexual orientation is!!! Have a conversation about what things you are all comfortable with!!! You don’t even have to mention her being gray a!!! But it is also great that you want to understand more, there just isn’t a magic answer that explains all gray a people :/

-shapes

13th July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Okay. Hypothetical question. Let's say that you're kissing your partner and you start getting horny, but it's not because you're attracted to your partner; the kissing just feels good. Is that gray-ace or is that sexual?

Well you could say that that is a sexual thing happening unrelated to sexual attraction. It doesn’t somehow disqualify you from identifying as grey-asexual or asexual! What you describe is a common experience for many asexuals (as well as grey-asexuals and maybe everybody else probably?).  

-Shapesss

12th July, 2014

lurkingunderthebed asks:

(can publish) just had a long talk with the bf about my lack of want for sexual activity (apparently i wasn't clear enough in the beginning) and it got pretty messy - i was feeling pretty awful but this blog made me feel quite a bit better. thanks

Oooh ouch. I am so sorry, man. That happened to me too(right before Valentine’s Day) and that is really not fun.

I am so glad this blog is helping you feel better. To help you further, I present:

This puppy would like you to remember that you are good and loved. Also, there is sunshine and good food and people who accept you in the world.

-Not a Can of Soup

Seriously, I hope you feel better, because you deserve to. If there’s anything we can do, we’re here for you!

9th July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

i identify with autochorissexualism but i am ashamed of it. ive read that it can be a side effect of watching too much porn during your sexual development, and i've been trying to correct it (by staying away from all types of pornography). my girlfriend is the only person who turns me on (so ive identified as demisexual) but even then, i like having sex with her out of the emotional connection, not bc of some unstoppable desire. i am only truly aroused when disconnected from the sexual act(1/2)

example: thinking of a person touching another’s breasts turning me on more than my girlfriend touching my breasts. i feel like there’s something wrong with me?? (2/2)

Okay, I cannot give you any professional medical advice. I can barely give you any advice on this, simply because I don’t know you or your history.

  • It can be a side effect of excessive porn or overly explicit/violent porn. It seems to desensitize young adults and alter their expectations.  But as far as I know, there isn’t a concrete limit on how much porn is good for exploring your sexuality and how much is damaging. I have no idea about your porn habits in your formative years and even if I did, I am not certified to hand out sound advice about average libido or sexual performance.
  • It is okay to engage in sex for the emotional connection, many gray-ace spectrum people do. 
  • If you really feel like something is wrong with you, and you cannot come to terms with it on your own or with the support of your partner, then I suggest you talk to a professional to see if you do really need to be concerned. That would have several possible outcomes. Your primary care physician might recommend medicinal treatment, or they may send you to a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing. Or they might tell you that you’re of sound body and still offer you psychological help to allow you a safe space to vent and deal with your apparent unease with your sexual response. 
  • However, if it does not affect your relationship with your girlfriend, and you learn to accept it, you may figure it out without going to the doctor.
  • In the end, the goal is for you to be comfortable in your sexuality and have a safe and loving partnership with the person of your choice.

-Not a Can of Soup


(I am trying to answer y’all, since school is out. I did just get a job though, and there are OVER 100 questions!! I promise your questions will eventually get through, you just gotta wait a bit sometimes. I wish I was a magical question-answering robot, but I am a human who types very slowly.)

8th July, 2014

bonehatter:

daleksinbras:

elanchana:

lunaleven:

palavenblues:

holy shit there is a name for it

I identify as neither ace nor aro and I get this sometimes. 

Oh my gosh there’s finally a word for “I don’t always feel it but when I do I don’t want it”!!!!

OH

THIS FUCKING CHANGES EVERYTHING

Many of you described this to us. Apparently, there&#8217;s a word. Enjoy!
-Not a Can of Soup

bonehatter:

daleksinbras:

elanchana:

lunaleven:

palavenblues:

holy shit there is a name for it

I identify as neither ace nor aro and I get this sometimes. 

Oh my gosh there’s finally a word for “I don’t always feel it but when I do I don’t want it”!!!!

OH

THIS FUCKING CHANGES EVERYTHING

Many of you described this to us. Apparently, there’s a word. Enjoy!

-Not a Can of Soup

(Source: asexualityresources)

(via They ain't cuddly like me)

8th July, 2014

autistickanaya:

proposed new gender label: alexigender

Meaning “a fluid gender experience, where you are aware that your gender is changing but cannot label each individual gender”

ie: I know my gender is different today than it was yesterday, but I don’t know which genders those are

bonus etymology: prefix a- means “none, lack of”, root lexi- meaning “words”. Alexigender = not having words for gender

Comments?

cute!

(Source: eaglestrike)

(via Queer As Cat)