I was raised Southern Baptist and consider myself non-denominational, and though I just started identifying as gray-a last year, I never really felt comfortable expressing myself in my church. They're not very LGBTQ-friendly, naturally, so I always felt a bit uncomfortable whenever anyone started talking about how I needed a girlfriend or whatever. I never got around to telling anyone that I'm not "straight," but I could imagine that not going over very well. That's just me and my situation.
Anonymous
I just wanted to say that finding this blog a couple of days ago was incredibly helpful since it helped me not only understand what asexuality, gray-sexuality and demisexuality are, but also understand myself more. Thanks and keep up the good work! :D
Anonymous
In response to the anon with religion: In my experience, it depends greatly on the religion. Judeo-Christian religions are just as antagonistic toward a's and gray-a's as queer identifiers because they demand that you 'go forth and multiply' and offer the basis of a legitimate marriage as being one that is consummated. Obviously a's and gray-a's (such as myself) take issue with that. I was raised christian. I am not anymore.
I’m gonna say, as someone raised Jewish (Reform), that my experience in a Judeo-Christian environment has not been antagonistic in any way. (Despite no longer believing, I work in a Sunday school and am closely related to a Rabbi). Me being queer has never been a problem. While there is pressure to have kids, it doesn’t feel like a push from the religion side of things. I want them anyway, but my parents want me to have kids because they know I want them and because they want grandchildren. Adopting is also be totally fine.
Other branches of Judaism are not the same, but I thought I would share my experience too.
Obviously, it really depends on what you grew up around or with. Even within the same basic religion, different branches have different ideas. In fact, different communities of people within the same branch can vary hugely. So it doesn’t just depend on the religion, but the experience the person has with it.
Let me rephrase. Clearly, the LGBT community has had to look outside of traditional religion to develop their spiritual lives, because in every religion anything but monogamous sexual relations within a marriage between a man and a woman is considered a sin. Do asexuals suffer from feeling outcast by religions or do they feel ostracized more so from secular society?
Anonymous
First off, I am pretty sure that not EVERY RELIGION views everything but monogamous, heterosexual sexual relations as a sin.
Secondly, I doubt you can generalize what asexuals feel in regards to religion and secular society. People have a huge variety of experiences and to assume that everyone who shares a sexuality shares the same feelings about religion is ignorant.
Definitely in the gray-asexuality spectrum. I have always identified more with my emotional, intellectual and spiritual sides than my physical/sexual side (my body). Emotionally (romantically) always drawn to women. Physically turned on by men (though I don't want sex with them). Intellectually &spiritually drawn to both. My spiritual life is as confusing as my sexuality. Basically a Hindu who loves Jesus and Qabalah. Wondering if asexuals have traditional spiritual lives or are non-traditional.
Anonymous
I mean, I’d guess that asexual people run the gamut on spirituality and religion as much as any other group.
Lately it seems like most of the activity on this blog is people asking me to tell them how they should identify. I am not entirely comfortable with that and am going to stop answer those kinds of questions for awhile.
Would it be helpful if I posted a list of terms, definitions, and such? There may have been one posted before, but I could make a page with a permanent link if people are interested.
Hi :)I am a girl and I have a question on identifying. I have never had sex, ever. I never felt like I want to, but I've felt attraction to people, like I want to hug and cuddle and maybe kiss (but not so much, Idk) If I see a 'triggering' picture of some sort, I don't feel anything. I do get turned on sometimes if I see sexy boy or girl. I usually just get very nervous if I crush on some1, always been boys. I just don't think I want to have sex. How could I identify? If you can answer. meThnks
Anonymous
I really don’t know. I do think that you can be sexually attracted to people without wanting sex, but I can’t really tell you what you are feeling and I’m not really sure from your message if you experience sexual attraction. It sort of sounds like you do, but… Maybe it would be best of you looked up some definitions and went with what feels right for you.
Basically, I can’t tell you how to identify in terms of sexuality. But in general I really don’t feel comfortable giving answers to people asking me to tell them how to identify, though I have been doing so.
So.... I thought I was gay but is it possible I'm gray-asexual? I don't have any desire or wish to be in a relationship with a girl.... with a guy, I like to cuddle and I can find one cute or good looking but I have absolutely no desire for sex.... I have had sex before but I didn't have the desire to, I did it for him, and just the idea of it does not come to mind, I am willing to have sex, but I could care less about it, and I feel that it is odd, because I don't have the desire most people
Anonymous
*continued* the desire most people have, am I gray-asexual or is there a different term for when the romantic feelings are only for guys?
Hi anon! You sound like you are asexual, rather than gray-a. People who are asexual can still have any sort of romantic attraction (and can be aromantic, just as sexual people can be aromantic), and to me it sounds like you are under the romantic asexual umbrella. I am guessing that if you self-identified as gay before that you would be homoromantic?
And this is my usual disclaimer that I can’t really decide for you how you should identify. While I would class your feelings as homoromantic asexual, you have to go with what feels right for you.
I'm the anon who was raped. First, thanks for the rapid response! I'm currently in counseling, although that was originally for my bipolar 2(among other things, my life is a laundry list of trauma :)) I just wanted to clarify whether i'd be suited best to gray or a-sexuality. If i'm completely wrong could you tell me where to go? Thanks again.
Anonymous
I’m sorry for this taking so long (especially because I managed to respond quickly for once with your prior question). If you have no sexual attraction at all, I’d say you’re asexual.
