29th July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Do you guys still answer asks?

Yes, we do! Unfortunately, I just started a new job, so I’ve been juggling that. All of us are a bit busy, but we try to answer questions when we can. We have over 100 and we’re starting at earlier messages but we also take into consideration time-sensitive messages. 

-Not a Can of Soup

28th July, 2014



definition: an orientation that seems to revolve around one person in particular


an exception to one’s orientation, ie, someone who identifies as homosexual/homoromantic feeling attraction to someone of a different gender. in that case, it would be borearomantic/sexual towards someone.

comes from the latin root borea meaning north.

coined by: anonymous

That sounds like a pretty word.

(via Such Quantities of Sand)

27th July, 2014


Saying ace and aro are the same thing is like saying brown hair and brown eyes are the same thing.

Yes, they have some similarities.

Yes, some people have both.

But they’re very, very different. Neither is a prerequisite to the other. Neither is an umbrella term for the other. People can have one without the other.

They are different things.

(via Neither here nor there)

26th July, 2014

White Aces, Listen to Aces of Colour



If we want our community to be inclusive, you need to listen to our points of view. 

There is no homogenous experiences in the ace community. What aces of colour deal with is not the same as what white aces deal with. 

Asexuality does not exist in a vacuum, and must be examined and talked about in a critical fashion. 

You must understand that there are groups of people who have had asexuality (different than our understanding of it but still the same word) forced on them or have been hypersexualized beyond compare and cannot access asexual spaces in the same way due to racism. 

Asexuality (and things like it) have an old history in certain groups, and it is vital to understand that. 

You can’t approach the experiences of aces of colour from a white perspective; you can’t. Because you won’t understand. 

Our community is multicultural, and it is important that our discourse reflects it. 

I’m reminded of what I was talking about at the International Asexuality Conference at the Asexuality and Ethnicity panel I was asked to be apart of: “You cannot parse my asexuality from my race. They are not separate. You cannot fully understand my experiences if you break them apart.” 

We are apart of this community

If asexuality discourse does not actively include aces of colour or have our voices dominate in discussions of our experiences with racism and the impact it has had on our asexuality, then it will be inaccurate. 

on top of this, please realize that there is no homogeneous POC experience. an African American ace will have difference experiences from an Asian American, a Latin@ American or a Native American ace, etc etc.

on top of this, non-white aces who are not POC (because POC is NOT an all-encompassing term for “anyone who isn’t white”, it refers to Americans who are not white) will also have their own unique experiences with asexuality.

so yes, white aces, please do listen to aces of color, but don’t stop there. listen to ALL aces of all cultures, ethnic groups and nationalities. the asexual community does not revolve around colonial American notions of whiteness vs color. do not forget about aces who identify as neither “white” nor “POC”.

(via Queer As Cat)

26th July, 2014


new ace spectrum word?? if there isnt one already for this??


in which one feels little to no desire to receive sexual acts but expresses interest/desire in performing them on someone else

placio from latin placentes, meaning ‘please’ or ‘to please’. placentes is pronounced like ‘plachentess’ (via google translate) but personally im pronouncing placiosexual like ‘plack-ee-o’, but obviously pronunciation is open to interpretation

but yeah


can probably also apply to the aromantic spectrum???? maybe??? no desire to receive romantic affection but desires to give it/is happy to give it??

so this is like being stone butch but for those who are not lesbians? i’m not sure that this has so much to do with asexuality but ?!?!

(Source: athomewithlana)

(via Asexual and Aromantic Positivity)

22nd July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Can you be a grey ace and masturbate?


-Not a Can of Soup

(Seriously, y’all need to visit AVEN’s forums. Might help you guys find people you relate to.)

21st July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

I was recently talking to a friend about my identifying as grace & he just looked at me and was like "no I really don't think you are" I didn't know what to say, I was so shocked. How do I address this with him without coming across as harsh? He's very dear to me but I cannot let this go not talked about...

Just like that. Be honest. Tell him, “I was really surprised and a little hurt that you’d say that. You’re someone I hold very dear, so this is important to me. My identity is not a matter of opinion and no one but me can define it. It feels like you’re dismissing my experience/feelings, and if you can’t accept me this way it will impact our friendship.”

Or something along those lines, tailored to your experience and the relationship between the two of you. If you are close friends, you should be able to be honest about how this affects you. You deserve to have your identity respected.

-Not a Can of Soup

18th July, 2014

Anonymous asks:

I've had to explain to a lot of people what being aesthetically attracted to people mean and I've found the best way to say it is: "I see the world as a museum and each person is a piece of art. I just want to stop and admire."

That’s very nice! I usually mentally refer to it as my “If I could paint, I’d paint you,” feeling.

-Not a Can of Soup

(How do the rest of you describe this? Do you guys have ways to describe your types of attraction that are more likely to get people to support you?”