2nd September, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Hello! I have been considering coming out to a friend of mine that I'm Gray-Asexual. We've known each other for a long time, so I'm almost positive she'll be supportive, but I'm trying to figure out a way I can explain Gray-A without being confusing. Reading about it was great until I realized I would have to put it into verbal words, and I'm not sure what I should start with. Any suggestions?

Well, I do suggest you write down the dictionary definition and your experience with recognizing and accepting your sexuality. Then when you talk to your friend, you can keep it in mind. Aven forums probably have a coming out bit, so you could look into that if you want to see how asexuals have talked to friends, family, and potential relationship partners.

And remember to be patient with your friend. This may be an alien concept to her so just walk her through it, answer her questions. It doesn’t sound like she’ll totally reject your identity though, so my last piece of advice is to remember you’re telling her because you care about her and that she reciprocates that affection. Basically, don’t sweat it too much.

-Not a Can of Soup

31st August, 2014

Anonymous asks:

I feel like I'd have fun with sex if it was presented at the right time and with someone I trust, but I don't feel any desire to seek it and I don't experience sexual attraction. Could that just be called asexual?

Grey-asexuality covers that pretty well. Lack of sexual attraction is usually a pretty defining point.

-Not a Can of Soup

Of course, I recommend you read as much as you and educate yourself on the asexuality spectrum.

31st August, 2014

Anonymous asks:

If people were to ask me what my sexuality was, and I were to say Gray-Asexual, I'm afraid that they wouldn't believe, as people often don't when it comes to these kinds of things.(i.e "That's not real", "You'll change your mind later", "You're too young to decide something like that", etc) Worse, I'm afraid I might get tongue-tied and not know what to say. Any advice?

Hey, I went to college orientation and some chick said that she thought asexuality was A. made up by tumblr and B. not natural. People often say things, are dismissive, and hurt others. I’m of the belief that you don’t have to tell people what you’re into unless the two(or three if you flow that way) of you are interested in pursuing some relationship. Obviously with close family and friends, you may want to share your identity, and you have a right to be respected. Basically, randomass people who ask? You can tell them that that’s personal and move the conversation on. Family and friends, it’s your call. 

People will tell you you’re too young, or confused. You can practice saying, “This is how I identify right now. I want you to respect that. If you continue to make me feel uncomfortable, I cannot maintain our relationship. You mean a lot to me and I hope you can support me no matter how I label my sexuality.”

The most important things for not getting tongue tied is to remember that you deserve respect, and be clear in your own head about how you identify. No one can demand justification from you and no one should shame you for your sexuality.

People may say dumb things at first. Some of it, especially from relatives, will stem from genuine concern, but will be difficult to listen to. You can sort through which people can learn to accept you and which ones are hurting you too much.

I wish you luck and I hope you walk out everyday with confidence in yourself.

-Not a Can of Soup

28th August, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Are there any ace spaces in France that you know of?

bi-gray:

anagnori:

I don’t know any, sorry. But there is a French asexuality forum on AVEN, so you may be able to find meetup groups through there.

There’s also a new Francophone asexual resource Tumblr that might be of interest—they’ve only just started up with basic information posts, so I’m not sure how much they can offer, but it might be worth checking out!

If French aces want to meet up I’m going to be in the south all year and can maybe travel to other places/ could maybe stay with an ace friend in the north. Idk let’s do it.

—Shapes

(via Neither here nor there)

26th August, 2014

Anonymous asks:

for the anon: "Autochorissexualism - A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies. Coined by Anthony Bogaert." As summarized by Anagnori on tumblr.

Ah thanks for writing in. Yeah, I knew this one but I’ve interpreted it as not being sexually attracted to the person/people you’re aroused by. Not as being disinterested in actually having sex with the people you’re sexually attracted to? Perhaps it could be interpreted either way. I just feel like there is a difference between "target-oriented paraphilia" and experiencing sexual attraction? But maybe the anon might find “target-oriented paraphilia” to be a term that is useful……???

—Shapes

26th August, 2014

Anonymous asks:

For the anon the term non-libido might work as well

How would we use that in a sentence?

-Not a Can of Soup

I love when you guys help each other!

26th August, 2014

Anonymous asks:

Hey so I was wondering if you knew a term for someone who experiences sexual attraction but has no desire or intent to have sex? I've heard lots of other terms but can't find anything for that case. Thanks

gray-asexuality:

Is it a dick move (no pun intended) to say that your best bet might be “celibate”? If you’re sex repulsed you could mention that… um… anyone want to chime in? 

Celibacy is indeed the choice to abstain from sex/sexual activities. Understandably, you might be reluctant to use that term as a descriptor as it rather conjures the image of a monk, but for accuracy, Shapes hit the mark. 

(via A Gray-Asexual Space)