Okay, let me ask you a simple question: Does “demiromantic” feel like a useful word for you to describe your experiences and attractions? If the answer is yes, then you should feel free to use the word.
I’ve written about the difficulty in deciding the dividing line between alloromanticism and demiromanticism before, and I really do think that how you identify should depend more upon the utility and fit of the word rather than someone standing around with a ruler saying, “Oh, no, sorry, you are 1 cm too alloromantic to ride the demiromantic train.” If you find yourself saying, “Demiromanticism means only experiencing romantic attraction to people you already have a close emotional bond with. What that means for me is [one to two sentences on how it works for you],” then that seems like a good enough fit. If you find yourself saying, “Demiromanticism means only experiencing romantic attraction to people you already have a close emotional bond with. What that means for me is [seventeen pages of caveats including an appendix and five figures],” it seems like you’re spending so much time and energy trying to make the term fit that maybe you’d be better off with a different word.
Let me give you a weird analogy (‘cause I’m all about weird analogies):
It’s really hard to find clothes that fit perfectly (unless you are very lucky or have an army of personal tailors at your disposal). Clothes shopping is often an exercise in finding articles of clothing that fit well enough. Okay, it fits well, except the legs are slightly too long. Okay, the length is good, but the shoulders a little bit tight. I really like the style, but it doesn’t quite fit over my hips. There’s no single metric to differentiate between “fits well enough” and “doesn’t fit”—it’s often a question of fit and style and whether you or your rad friend can alter it and whether the next size up/down fits better (or exists) and how much you want that particular article of clothing in your wardrobe.
I think grey identities can sometimes be similar, especially since they are, by definition, somewhat ambiguous and nebulous. Deciding on the dividing line between “fits well enough” and “doesn’t fit” isn’t just a question of pulling out your Handy Dandy Attraction Measuring Tape and saying, “Wow, gosh, it seems that my romantic attraction is 5 mm too short for demiromanticism, so I guess I better shop in the alloromantic section.” I think it should be about whether demiromanticism is a good enough fit, whether it helps you to communicate, whether you have to spend more time trying to make it fit through caveats and squirming than the time you save by saying, “I’m demiromantic” rather than “I only get crushes under certain conditions” or “I rarely get crushes.”
Okay, anon, I hope that helps somewhat, or at least gives you some food for thought. If you’d like more reading, I have a whole demiromantic tag as well as a linkspam on greyness.